Prep the asparagus for steaming. Peel and chop 3 more cloves of garlic. Rinse and slice portobellos into strips, all about the same size (finger width) (put the asparagus on to steam while doing this).

Heat up a T of oil in a saute pan over a medium-low flame. Add garlic and cook for a few minutes until it softens. Add mushroom strips and saute for a minute. Add about 2 T red wine. Saute for awhile. When the pan dries out a bit, add some more wine. Repeat the saute/add wine steps until mushrooms have shrunken, darkened on the outside but are tender inside. Don't be afraid to use a lot of wine. I typically use a third of a bottle for this dish. Grind some black pepper over the mushrooms.

Meanwhile, drain the potatoes (reserve the garlic cloves) and mash with a couple of T margarine.

Place some garlic mash on individual serving plates. Place the mushrooms on the plates, turn the heat up and add some more wine to 'deglaze the pan'. Scrape the bits from the pan while sauteing the wine to make a thin 'au jus'. Pour this over the mushrooms on the plates. Place the asparagus on the plates and serve. Be sure to have another bottle of wine on hand.

This is a dangerous dish, though, as it has amazing properties for... uh... stimulation. If you're not doing the horizantal cha cha a few hours (or minutes) after eating this dish then I'll be amazed.

The only addition I can add is to play 'Al Greens Greatest Hits' while cooking and switch to a Getz and Gilberto CD while eating.

Serves two. Yeah, baby.