Here's how it went:

10:25am
Return home from safeway with a 1.5kg bag of 'strong white flour' (subtitled 'breadmaking flour') and box of Kallo Vegetarian stock cubes.

10:30am
Dumped bag of flour into a bowl and poured in most of a pint of water. Stuck my hands in and started mixing. It was very gooey and sticky to start but I kept mixing and kneading until I got a dough in about 5 minutes.

10:35am
Dough seemed a bit dry so I added a bit more water and worked it into the dough. Started kneading in earnest. I would push the dough down with my weight through my hands using a 'CPR' type action. Then I would fold the dough over and repeat. Sometimes I would push my fists down into the dough to try to flatten it. Then I would fold it over and push down again. This was very gruelling but I did not stop constantly kneading. My arms were aching and I was sweating. Mrs Falafel made some comments about me being a 'soft office guy' which I shrugged off. 25 minutes of solid kneading and punching. The dough now springs back when punched.

11:00am
Finally stopped kneading! I formed the dough into a smooth ball with no cracks (easier said than done). It was about the size of a human head. I placed the ball into a big bowl and filled it with water enough to cover it. I let this sit for an hour.

12:00pm
OK, back to gluten creation. Under the water, I start kneading again. But this time, with kind of 'squeezing a sponge' motion as well. I was kneading, squeezing and holding the ball together at the same time. I kept changing the water and kneading/squeezing for another half an hour until the water became clear. It's important to keep up the rinsing/kneading until the water runs clear, as you want that starch out of the gluten. Finally, after 30 minutes of labour, I had a ball of gluten about the size of a human brain. I showed it to Mrs Falafel and she said 'ewww!'. I chase her around with it and say 'who's the soft office guy now, huh?'. I wonder how many people have been threatened with gluten before. Are there any seitan related crimes?

12:30pm
I put a pint or two of water in a big saucepan on the stove to boil. Added three stock cubes. I then started slicing the gluten up into bite size chunks. Be sure to toss the chunks right into the boiling stock as you cut them as they have a tendency to stick together in the open air. Once the gluten is cut up and placed in the stock, give 'em a stir and let the pan reach a boil. Keep an eye on it as the gluten bites will suddenly swell up and the pan may boil over (like it did with me). When this happens (after only a couple of minutes) turn off the heat, leave the gluten in the stock and go to the pub for a few hours.

4:00pm
Returned from the pub. The gluten is looking very good and it's soaked up quite a bit of flavour. I put the gluten in a plastic box along with some of the stock and put on the lid and place it in the fridge. It can now be added as is to stir-frys, stews, soups or rolled in cornflour and fried, or rolled in a sticky marinade and baked and more.

This gluten turned out to be not as 'hard' as the stuff in gluten restaurants but it's a lot like the 'gluten puff' stuff I've had in San Francisco. Nice and chewy and holds flavour well.

I hope your gluten experiences are just as successful!